From Doubt To Love

by Mary | Jul 22, 2024 | Testimonies

From Doubt To Love

I remember being young and even then I knew that God was real and that I wanted to be a Christian. I didn’t truly understand my feelings then, but I remember being on my knees praying to God every night and when I got done praying, I would kiss a cross necklace that hung on my bedpost. As I got older, I still did those things from time to time. I would pray whenever I needed a little extra help from God. I didn’t really know Him at all though. But I wanted to.

I went through high school, college, and my early 20s depending on worldly things to get me through each day rather than depend on God. I was a sex addict and an alcoholic. I placed my value on those things, too. If I could score my next hook-up, I was proud of it. I drank throughout the day.

All I did was work day in and day out. I never saw my husband. I was so numbed by the sex and alcohol that nothing else even mattered to me. I still remember in that time frame knowing that I was a good person deep down though. I felt emotions so strongly. I could never bring myself to not help the people around me. Yet, I spent most of my time hurting the people I loved most.

It wasn’t until I hit complete rock bottom that I FINALLY found God. It took a while, but it finally happened. I had been through an affair where I was the offender, I had been hurt and used by friends, I had been through abuse, manipulation, and rape, I dropped my position at work, my family went through turmoil outside of my problems, I found out I had lost a baby again in the very early stages of pregnancy, I was battling migraines that lasted weeks at a time, and the list goes on. You get the idea. I was at my absolute lowest. I was suffering from SEVERE depression, SEVERE anxiety, and SEVERE bipolar tendencies. I felt absolutely hopeless.

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I prayed to God every single day to fix my life. Every day. And it seemed like nothing at all was coming of it. I almost gave up, to be honest. But one day, God answered one little prayer that triggered my faith journey. I remember it as clear as a bell. I was lying in the tanning bed and I had been battling the absolute worst migraine spell.

I prayed to God in that tanning bed and begged him to take the migraine away. That’s all I wanted right then in that moment. I woke up the next morning and my migraine was gone. I went throughout my day gun-shy that a migraine was going to make its appearance at any moment.

It never did. Guys, I was so grateful to God for answering that one prayer that I finally began to start my process for real. I started reading The Bible every single day. I did daily devotionals. I prayed with all my might. That one answered prayer created a domino effect for me that still hasn’t stopped. I started learning and growing every single day. God proved himself to me so many times in ways that you absolutely could not deny it was God.

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