I grew up in West Africa, Nigeria where Christianity is wielded as a tool to defraud the masses. My country is bombarded with the venomous version of the true gospel called the prosperity gospel. I knew that Jesus died for me but the reason why he did so and what his death accomplished was never explained to me by my so-called church.
The lack of a proper presentation of the gospel caused me to form my own view of God as vengeful and wrathful; which is not entirely wrong but that was all I knew of his character. I decided on my own that the only way to appease God’s wrath was through my own works. My theology was “it is impossible to go to heaven, and though I deserve hell and God’s wrath, I can try to go to heaven by pleasing God through my forced acts of piety.”
These forced acts of piety never lasted very long as I would be quickly worn out from “doing good” and quickly shrink farther away from God due to my acute awareness of my sinfulness & inability to change by sheer willpower. In short, unlike many unbelievers and believers today, I never had the delusion that I was a “good person.” I always had a deep sense of shame and knew exactly who I was before a Holy God. The sexual sins I had been involved in at such a young age only made matters worse.
Then, in 2016, I moved to the US to attend college; something I was not excited about, as the plans I had laid out for myself did not include America. As Proverbs 16:9 says, “The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps.” Little did I know that the “very big plans” I had for myself paled in comparison to what the God of the universe had in store for me.
My first year in college was marred by what I would call a truth search. While I was getting exhausted from being peppered with different worldviews, such as discovering the mormon bible and discarding it to getting baptized in another name and being told I had to speak in tongues to go to heaven, God was drawing me near to him.
After sheer exhaustion from dealing with so many lies about the gospel, I decided to end my truth quest and stuck to the motions of praying occasionally, trying to change myself while still identifying as a Christian. Sure, I owned a Bible, but I had never read it. There have been so many ways that God miraculously provided for me during my time in the States, but one significant example of how God looked out for me happened during college…
In 2017 I got hit by a car on my way to school. It was a miracle really that I only needed two stitches, considering the speed at which the car was going… even the nurses were surprised! Through his protection, God saved me from that accident and used the compensation that I received from my injuries to provide for my tuition during a time of great need.
So even though at the time, I kind of resented God for making getting into heaven so difficult (according to my warped theology), he looked out for me in more ways than I can count when I was all alone in a foreign country.
Not too long after, I was going through a difficult patch, where I was at risk of being homeless. But while I still didn’t truly know God’s grace, he still provided for me. There was an international student advisor at my college, whom I will call Rachel. She decided to take me in even though I never asked her. Rather, because she sensed something was wrong due to my frequent visits to the international office to speak with someone that was trying to help me, she offered without me ever having to say a word to her.
I am so grateful to God for opening Rachel’s heart which caused her to open her home to me, because without her, I would have had to either find somewhere else to live or even face the option of going back home to Nigeria. Rachel and her family who barely knew me gave me shelter at their home. My time at her home was filled with rest and peace… it was as if God was giving me rest.
Also Read:
Devotional
How to Be A Leader Worth Dying For (Conclusion)
Inspirational
The Bible and the Coal Basket
Testimonies
I’m Back To Loving Jesus
