God Gave Me a Heart of Flesh

One evening I received a phone call telling me of some tragic and very upsetting news.  The news was that an eighteen-year-old girl I knew had gone home that afternoon to find that her mum had taken her own life – her mum had hung herself.  This was a direct result of sin as her mum had found out that her husband had been having an affair and she just could not cope.  It really is no wonder that God hates sin; it often has damaging consequences for ourselves and others and our sin certainly offends God.

Although I was not directly affected by this tragic news, it impacted me in a way I never expected.  I was consumed with worry for this young girl and the huge emotional and practical issues she faced.  All I wanted to do was to help her but there was little I could do.  It was difficult to watch the impact of her loss, suffering and mental anguish. Even though I could do nothing to alleviate her pain, my worry for her persisted.  I carried her around with me in my heart for several years wondering how she was coping.

During this time I found myself wanting to be closer to something safe and secure; for me this meant being closer to God.  I found myself pleading with God in prayer to help this girl and her father too – his guilt must have been crushing him. At the same time, God opened my eyes to the consequences of sin and indeed MY OWN SIN!!  It is amazing how we make excuses to justify our behaviour even though our God given consciences tell us what we are doing is wrong.  I knew my sins were wrong and yet I continued in them despite the consequences for anyone else. I was arrogant, proud, impatient, thoughtless, and selfish and I have done things of which I am truly ashamed.  Clearly, I needed to repent of my sins genuinely and honestly to the Lord and turn away from them to gain His free and loving forgiveness.

In October 2009, I married my second husband Peter, and we went to Florida on honeymoon – I was still worrying about this young girl. During our holiday we had a day out and stopped at a restaurant/gift shop for some lunch and as we walked to the entrance, I noticed a large plaque in the window which said, “Be still and know that I am God”.  I now know this to be from Psalm 46:10.

This plaque really jumped out at me and I felt the Lord telling me that I do not need to worry as He is in sovereign control of all things.  I did stop worrying and left everything in God’s hands and now I pray that the Lord will show his mercy and loving-kindness to her and that she will come to know our gracious saviour. Throughout this time I felt significant change within myself.  The Holy Spirit was working in my heart pointing me to God and the Lord Jesus.  Ezekiel 36:26 says, “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart”.

I found myself wanting to know more about God and to be closer to Him.  I wanted a bible, so Peter bought me one for Christmas that year.  I started to read it alongside other Christian resources to increase my knowledge and understanding. I now felt a real sense of urgency to respond to God, being deeply concerned that I might not get another chance.  To put it bluntly, I was dead in my sins.  Romans 6:23 says, “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord”.

I also had a real yearning to go back to church, but which one should I go to?  I dithered around for some considerable time and prayed to God for months if not years about this.  Then, in April 2014, my mum told me that the church had invited the family to attend a presentation for my dad as he was retiring from the church eldership.

My heart sang and I grabbed the opportunity with both hands.  This was no coincidence but a God-incidence and a remarkable answer to prayer. From then on, I started attending church regularly and went on to do the “Exploring Christianity” and “Christian Basics” courses which led to my baptism in May 2015.  I am glad I waited on the Lord as He sent me to a church that is faithful to God’s word in its preaching and teaching – I feel spiritually safe here.

The omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent God, the creator of the universe, has bestowed His wonderful grace on me; He loves me so much that He shows such kindness and mercy to me.  I certainly do not deserve it and there is nothing that I could do to earn it – I am saved by the grace of God.  Ephesians 2:8-10 says, “For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast”.  By His grace, I am saved from my sins through the sacrificial work of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I used to dislike the hymn “Amazing Grace” because I thought the music was really dreary – it certainly wasn’t the dance music I enjoyed at the time!!  But now I love it for the words, “Amazing grace how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me, I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see”. God’s love is so great that He sent His son, the Lord Jesus Christ, as my saviour.  He was falsely accused, scourged, mocked, spat at, and beaten.  His beard was plucked out and a crown of thorns pushed into His head.  He was nailed to a cross and crucified.  He suffered excruciating pain and brutality and, worst of all, He became sin and took the full wrath of God for all my guilt and shame for sins past, present and future – the punishment should be mine!!

Try God.

Also Read:

• Men in the Bible: A Man of Considerable Goodwill
• The Myth of Omnipresence (1): The 5 Places God Always Is
• Overwhelmed
• Great Truths Adults Learned
• I Passed a Professional Exam and Got a Job After 10 Years

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