When I was 18, I took an overdose of pills and went to the hospital and told them I was suicidal. They put me in a small room to wait and see someone. The room had a framed picture on the wall and sadly I broke the glass in the frame, and I slit my wrists so badly up and down my forearm that my arm is disfigured by scars for the rest of my life. Thick, ropey scars.
At 19, I got pregnant by the man who kicked me in the head and went with the baby to a woman’s shelter when the baby was around 3 months old. We went to Rosalie Hall in Scarborough and Sandgate Woman’s Shelter. I received emergency housing and was given a one-bedroom apartment in a co-op. So now it was just me and my baby. My adoptive parents lent me a small black and white TV and a sleeping bag and I would camp out on the floor snuggling my baby until I got furniture.
After about a year I felt this urgency to find out the truth in life. I went to a used bookstore called Random Books to see what I could find. I found a book called “There’s A New World Coming.” The title sparked my interest, so I bought it. I took it home and read it right through. It was all about Bible prophecy. At the end of the book was a prayer to receive Jesus as your Saviour. I recognized that I was a terrible sinner and jumped at the chance to have a Saviour. I prayed for Jesus to be my Saviour and to forgive my sins. I confessed my faith in Him.
Then I tell you the truth I felt God’s indescribable, powerful love washing over me like gentle ocean waves. I spent like a week crying and praying. Confessing my sins.
You see having borderline disorder the only thing I had ever felt was desperation. Desperation to be loved but I had no idea what love was, nor could I express it. I had felt rage, I had felt pain like there was a giant hole in my chest.
In that moment, God filled that hole with His love and peace. He gave me His Holy Spirit and great faith. He forgave me for all my wretched sins because of His great mercy. I have never been the same.
I began distributing Bible tracts and going to church. I got baptised on June 12, 2005, and my baptism certificate sits by my bed. Instead of self-destruction and self-hatred, I can by the power of the Holy Spirit feel love and compassion for others. I will help anyone and am moved to express love for others in whatever way I can.
God has led me to have great compassion for the homeless as I know what it is like to sit panhandling. This new creation He has made in me prepares packages with Bible tracts and gift cards and treats and now I go seek out the broken and the lost on the streets of Toronto every two months.
This Christmas the Holy Spirit moved me to prepare gifts for the homeless and I set out with a hockey bag filled with wrapped packages of pot of gold chocolates, gift cards, and handmade cards filled with Scriptures about hope and belonging. No Greater Love Than Jesus is what the covers read. God uses me to bring His love to them. God’s love and compassion are the most beautiful things I have ever felt, and He fills my heart in an indescribable way. This is just one example of what God has done in my life.
I devote myself to street evangelism, sharing the Gospel with people I see. So, when people don’t believe in God, I can tell them without a doubt that God is real. He has done a miracle in me. Everything in the Bible is true. God is good. He is pure in every way. He is light and He sent His Son Jesus to destroy the works of the devil. The devil devours kids like I was but the Lord rescues them. He saves them.
Also read:
- Understanding God: He is A Shield and A Rewarder
- The Benefits of Wisdom: Greatness and Honor
- When You Find a Penny
- The Harness of the LORD (2)
- Bye Bye Depression
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