When I was a small boy I would pray every night for my sins to be forgiven, but I did not really mean it. Because of this, I doubted if I was a true Christian.
But then you might ask, “Why did you pray on your own when no one else could hear or see you?” and my answer to this would be, “I was deceiving myself”. I would do a lot to please my mum and dad, but they were not the only people I was deceiving: I was deceiving myself! I would try and say to myself that I was a Christian, but I knew I wasn’t. I would do lots of the things that were easy for me to do (the outward things), but when it came to the hard things (the inward things), I would fail.
That is why I was constantly sent up to my dad to be set right again, but it never had a permanent effect on me. I used to get very angry and frustrated not only at my brothers but also at my Dad, without any good reason. After listening to thousands of sermons and messages, one night I thought about what would happen to me when I was going to die. I often used to have bad thoughts about hell and if I was going there, and this night I had the same thought, and also worried about other family members.
I thought about all the sins I had committed and I also felt very guilty. It was a feeling that I did not like, and I hoped that it would just go away. Then for the first time, I really wanted to stop sinning and I got down on my knees and prayed for forgiveness. I knew this was true repentance. It was April 21st 2008 and I was 9 years old.
After that, I felt happier and set free, and it seemed like I had just destroyed all the sins I had ever committed before. It was the first time I had any intention of trying not to sin again, and although I knew this would be impossible, it was what I really wanted.
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