When I was in college, I took my eyes off God and decided to pursue something he clearly said “no” to. I desired a relationship with a guy I had a crush on. Soon, my desire for this relationship grew greater and stronger than my desire for God. Instead of worshipping, or ascribing ultimate worth to my creator, I worshipped modern day idols.
Yes! Anything we put before God is an idol – it doesn’t just have to be a golden calf!
The relationship idol I pursued seemed completely innocent and good but after some time, it propelled me into a dark place. I used it as a means to feel seen, wanted, and loved. But true love is both vertical and horizontal. We love others out of an overflow of the love God first gave us.
I couldn’t see it at first but I was spiraling downward and on my way to rock bottom. I was compromising in ways I never thought I would. Instead of seeking God’s presence, I was waiting for a text message. Instead of expressing deep devotion to the Lord, I was devoted to a relationship idol.
But, God was so faithful. He never stopped running after me even though I was running from him. He never stopped pursuing me. It’s ironic, actually. While I was in pursuit of something that could never satisfy, God was in pursuit of me.
The person I cared for so deeply could not satisfy the longing in my heart. I needed to surrender to God and let him fill me. However, I refused to let go.
No matter how much I tried, the relationship just would not work. There was so much tension, pain, and heartbreak. I thought it was the enemy then, but I now know that God’s sovereign hand was in play. He was prompting me to return to the reason for which I had been created.
But I still didn’t let up. I tried bargaining. “Lord, if you give me this relationship, then I’ll serve you wholeheartedly.” But the truth is, we can’t serve two masters. Jesus says we will end up loving one and hating the other. (Matthew 6:24) I was created to serve the Lord and idolizing this relationship simply stood in the way.
Also Read:
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